WHY GOD?

Why God?

I mean, I really want to know why.

How far can you let my dad's mind go?  Why?  Is it some sin?  Well, if it is, too bad, because he is too far gone to learn any lesson from You.  Is it my sins?  Why punish him for my sins.  Well, that's a stupid question, all mankind is punished for Adam and Eve.

I search the Bible but see no answer.  I read the Wisdom Books and just get dumber.  Yea, I know, end of Job, where was I when you created all.  Well, I'm just a little peon, one of billions that have come and will one day die and then face your judgment.  

Do we get to judge you?  Do we get to ask "Holy Holy Holy, what the heck were You thinking?"  I understand we, mankind, get sick and die.  And when we die, does my dad get to look at how he was the last couple of years and see that it all made sense?  Do I get to see that it all makes sense?  Because right now it is just senseless.   I understand that one day all the evil doers that live and screw the world, the Hitlers, Goldman Sachers, and such will be getting theirs.  I get the macro view.  I also get that I'm a sinner to, no better than anyone else, wretched sinning piece of crap of Your creation.

But I really want to know why.  It's the micro view I'm having some problem with right now.

Why do you let people fail, the brains and bodies waste away?  They can learn nothing, they can not be held accountable for anything they say, think, or excrete.  I certainly hope after a lifetime of serving You, reading the Bible, serving the church, their salvation isn't at risk.  Did Martin Luther lose his salvation those last couple of years writing that anti jewish crap?  After all, those ramblings of an addled brained mind of his was the genesis of Hitler convincing millions of Germans it was alright to kill off the jews.  Or was that part of your plan?

I know you can use evil for good, but why do you allow evil to do this to people who don't deserve it?  Or do we all deserve it and I should just shut up?

Do you understand why evil is winning out down here on Earth?  Sign up with the other side, and it's easy street.  Ignore the topic entirely, don't put any thought into the cosmic battle of Your creation and life is good.  Yea, there is still disease, death, etc., but since devoted followers get that too, what is the apparent difference in living?  You are totally out marketed by the other side.

If I ran outside and covered my head with dirt and cried out would you listen?  Would you respond?  I pray and pray and pray and nothing.  Do I need to send Joel Osteen money to get you to listen?  I listen, I hear nothing.  Do I believe but am not saved?  Did You give up on me back in my atheist/agnostic days and now, no matter what, I'm like the fallen angels and just screwed with no second chance?  

YOU created us.  And now we wallow like pigs in a pen, trying to peer above the muck that there is a reason for this other than the eventual slaughter house.  And the devil's farmers just keep adding more muck to the pen, we drown in it, as the devil and his henchmen laugh at our belief that YOU are coming.

Are you laughing too?

We have your WORD.  Written originally in a languages we can only guess at when we translate and it's become obvious we must be missing something.  Even how we might define a Hebrew word today may not be close to what was meant when written.  I understand you couldn't tell us everything, we are just stupid peons who couldn't handle ALL the truth, but I'm not even sure anyone has a clue as to what is the truth anymore.

My dad is wandering the apartment, cussing me out because I won't let him go to the depot to work for a railroad that no longer exists.  I took him for a 90 minute car ride today up thru the foothills and now he wants another ride.  I guess we could give up eating and just drive around 12 hours a day, maybe I could get a job as a taxi driver and let him sit in the front seat, wetting and pooping his pants.  He wants to go out for walks, but can only walk about 20 yards and wants to go back home where he immediately wants to not stay.

What are my choices?  Call hospice and let them kill him with morphine, all nice and legal like?  Or give up and put him in a nursing home where they will drug him into an immobile stupor to waste away until he finally dies, alone, surrounded by other old people tossed out by their children?

YOU are God.  YOU could heal him, but YOU won't.  YOU could call him home to heaven.  YOU could solve this but YOU don't.  YOU just let it drag out, drag on, and I'm suppose to believe this is all part of some greater plan.  You have ME wishing he would get worse, it would be easier to handle him if he were bedridden or I could strap him down in a wheelchair.  How nice of your master plan, to get me to a point where I love and hate my dad and wish him worse.

So, I give up, and take him for a walk outside.  He swears up a storm when we aren't going for a ride, using his walker he gets about 25 yards, then wants to come back into the apartment he's been trying to get out of for the last 90 minutes.  He barely could get down the stairs, in fact, without me bearing his weight, he would not have made it.

But back to my rant and speaking of greater plans, when YOU finally do take my dad home, what becomes of me?  Will there be a job, a book deal, something that will allow me to pay rent at the first of the month?  Or do I get to join the homeless population as reward for taking care of my folks rather than shoving them off on the state and the taxpayers to waste away in some quasi prison?  Is the purpose of my life fulfilled?  I certainly hope not, but I wouldn't bet money against the cosmic joke.

Is there an answer God?  If you don't give a crap about me, just tell me, I can take it.  I've been dumped by attractive women my whole life, I can take rejection.  And if you don't give a crap, I will quit trying to serve you, worship you, and bother you with prayers.  Vision or visitation is welcome.  A blessing is requested.  A non stick it up my butt sign would be appreciated.  I'll even accept a talking dog in place of the donkey, since there isn't enough room for two asses in my room.

I wait, but no answer comes.

This is my father's world
And to my listening ears
All nature sings, and round me rings
The music of the spheres

This is my father's world
The birds their carols raise
The morning light, the lily white
Declare their maker's praise

This is my father's world
I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas
His hand the wonders wrought

This is my father's world
Oh, let me never forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong
God is the ruler yet

This is my father's world
Why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is king, let the heavens ring
God reigns, let the earth be glad